Books About Birth and New Babies

Here are some of my favorite books about birth and new babies. It's a good idea to preview them at the library, because grab-and-go doesn't work for books about sensitive topics. You really want to be sure that what you are reading to your child conforms to your view of things.

Ashbe, Jeanne, What’s Inside? provides the toddler or preschooler with peek-a-boo tabs that indicate what’s really going on inside mom.

Cole, Joanna, When You Were Inside Mommy offers a straightforward but warm account of pregnancy and birth (additional information for parents in the back.)

Curtis, Jamie Lee, Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born offers a story of adoption that is action-packed, funny and very touching.

Kitzinger, Sheila, Being Born follows Lennart Nilsson’s groundbreaking, graphic color photos that take a baby through the stages of conception, pregnancy and birth and up to the first moments of cuddling and nursing.  The text is poetic and lengthy.

Knight, Margy Burns, Welcoming Babies warmly depicts new-baby customs all over the world.  This book is very diverse and includes a preemie and an adoptee (additional information for parents in the back.)

Nilsson/Swanberg, How Was I Born? is another picture book using Nilsson’s incomparable photos.  The very detailed and straightforward text concerns a couple of siblings as they follow their mother’s pregnancy and the birth of a new brother.

Mayle, Peter, Where Did I Come From? has a light and humorous approach.  Kids absolutely love this honest, explicit and detailed book.

Showers, Paul and Kay, Before You Were a Baby offers a scientific approach.  Filled with clear diagrams, this book is for the child who wants a lot of “how and what” information.

Stevens, Carla, The Birth of Sunset’s Kittens is a classic.  The graphic black and white photos eloquently depict the miracle of birth.

"But How do the Egg and the Seed Get Together?"

In my last post, we looked at ways to answer children's earliest questions about how babies are made. A mom was worried about sharing too much information, especially when kids get past the preliminaries about eggs and seeds and really want to know how that seed and egg got together.  Again, the answer that's right for a child (at any developmental stage) is the short/true answer to his particular question.  If he weren't ready for the answer, he probably wouldn't be framing the question.

If he asks how the seed and egg meet, I would say something like "Mommies and Daddies have a very loving feeling about each other and they want to be super-close.  Sometimes when they are alone together and hugging and kissing they get so excited and happy that something amazing happens.  The Daddy's penis goes into the Mommy's vagina.  That's how the seed from Daddy got together with the egg in Mommy – to make you and then to make your sister."

One of my very favorite books on this topic is Peter Mayle's Where Did I Come From?  Check it out and see if it fits the bill.  It may be too wordy for most 4-year-olds, but the preschooler or school-age child who likes to take his time over books will probably enjoy it.  It's for kids who are already asking all of these questions; reading it before that has happened would be a case of major overload! I should add that this book isn't every parent's cup of tea. It's very funny and it's irreverent and quite explicit.  The pictures are cartoony. You will have no trouble finding it at your library – I promise it's the most tattered and dog-eared one in their entire collection. Grownups tend to prefer pastel-hued, lyrical books that are long on "we wanted a baby soooooo much" and short on info. Kids, on the other hand, love this one. 

But why a silly book? I think children – even those ready for the facts of life – are pretty baffled by the whole thing once you explain it to them.  (In looking back, I sure was.) It's a mystery of human development that we're curious and ready to understand how sex works long before we get any inkling that it might be a fun thing to do.  So the lighthearted approach gets young kids where they live.  In my next post I'll provide an annotated list including other titles I like to recommend.

Back in the day, parents had “The Talk” with a child. Once. It was a hurried, awkward lecture instead of a dialogue. Thank goodness that day is past. The conversation about sexuality is is a periodic, extended one that may have long stretches of empty space, while things are percolating. Remember the “building” metaphor – you're creating a structure, so always go back and check your foundation. That means when your child returns to the topic, have him tell you what he already knows. You can correct any misinformation he may have accumulated in the meantime. (Believe me, it happens.) You're laying a groundwork of trust that will in time take you to conversations about puberty, dating, safe sex, birth control and beyond.   Let your child lead.  Your open attitude and his curiosity will govern the timing and nature of the questions, naturally cuing good answers.

"Where Do Babies come From?"

Dear Susie,
Our daughter was born three months ago. Now our son, age four, is asking all sorts of questions about where babies come from. I think pretty soon he's going to start wondering how she got in there in the first place! I don't know how to explain this. Is he ready? How much info is too much?

Dear Parent,
Your son is right on target, developmentally. Parents are often surprised to learn that, starting as early as four or five, kids begin to think about "where did I come from?" and "where am I going?"  (Or as Woody Allen would say, "sex and death.")  They begin to think outside of the present moment and to be conscious of having a past ("yesterday we had ice cream") and a future ("my birthday will be in June.")  They hear people talk about "before you were born."  (Before I was born??  Wow!!)  That gets them thinking big thoughts.  And asking big questions.

When your child launches into any of the so-called “Tender Topics” (e.g., sex, death, divorce, money, understanding differences) you are beginning a long, episodic conversation that will deepen and widen as you go.  Even the biggest, most complex building starts brick by brick. I think a good rule of thumb is to give the shortest true answer you can give.  "True" because you want to build your structure on a sound foundation and "short" because that way you can't overload them with information.  If your short answer doesn't provide enough info (or lacks the desired info) kids will come back...a moment later, a week later, a year later...with more questions.  If you can be easy and comfortable with these first conversations, it's as if you are leaving the door ajar for the next installment. Being evasive or changing the subject is like slamming the door. Kids might go elsewhere for information.  As you can imagine, that can be problematic.

There are a lot of reasons why you might find this whole topic really embarrassing and awkward.  Here's an ice-breaker:  tell your child what's going on for you. You might say, "I didn't talk about this with my own parents, so it's kind of strange for me.  But I really want you to ask me questions and I really want to give you good answers."  Children are super-astute about sensing our shyness or reluctance, but they can be surprisingly generous about cutting us some slack if we just let them know we're operating under a constraint.  Being honest will help them understand the discrepancy between your words (“I want us to talk about this”) and your demeanor (“I'd rather be having root canal.”)

For starters, kids are usually OK with "You grew in my uterus (tummy) until you were ready to come out."  After a while (moment, week, year) they usually start to wonder how the baby got in there and/or how it comes out.  Short and true?

     "You started from a tiny sperm (like a seed) in Daddy's body and a tiny egg in Mommy's body."

     "You came out from a hole between my legs. That's my vagina."
I want to stop right there and say "no fair using the C-section cop-out!"   I'm not sure why some parents find it easier to tell their kids that the doctor used a knife to open Mommy's tummy than "You came out of a hole between Mommy's legs"...but they often do!  If your child arrived by C-section, I'd give a 2-part answer:  "Well, most babies come out of a hole between the Mommy's legs, but we were having a little trouble getting you out that way...so the doctor helped by opening my tummy here and lifting you out."  That way, your child has the standard scientific info plus his own special story that explains the scar on your abdomen.

You're absolutely right that "how the egg and seed got together" will probably be your son's next question. More about this in my next post.