Dear Susie,
When we were on vacation, we told our son the
TV at the condo didn't work. Ordinarily, our 3-year old loves TV.
He talks about all the characters and he role-plays, etc. (He still
gets plenty of exercise, reading, cooking, art, etc...but still …)
So we had 7 days with no shows and I think it's great. Not
sure how to play it when we get home. One show a day sounds so
ideal...but is harder than it sounds. Tricks? Tips? Thoughts?
Dear Parent,
I love what you did on vacation!
We often tried to stay in places with no TV. I think now more
than ever, unplugged family vacations provide a really healthy break
from all the technology as well as a time to reconnect with one
another in a more basic, unfettered way. And though this requires
every bit as much discipline for most grownups as it does for
children, everyone in the family benefits.
Once, a friend and I were settling in with our kids at a mountain cabin that we had rented – and discovered to our dismay that there was a TV in the downstairs family room. She and I exchanged glances, impulsively threw a blanket over the TV, and the kids were none the wiser. They spent their week in the mountains enjoying nature, reading, poking around in the dirt, observing the wildlife, hiking and all the rest.
Of course you have the right idea about how his time is best spent – exercise, reading, cooking, art, etc. And for now, the "no TV phase" is working. It's probably a blessed relief from having to set limits. I imagine that with the passage of time you will, for some reason or other, begin to include TV back in your life. Let's assume that's true – otherwise you don't need an answer from me!
At the very least, an unplugged vacation provides a nice opportunity to step back, evaluate your media use, and reset the dial. Moderation is hard, maybe because "a little of something" is harder to define and manage than "nothing." There's no point in whining and begging for TV if TV isn't available. But some TV...hmm, how much is too much? I encourage parents to bundle all screen time, to be clear about how much screen time is OK, and to stick to that "diet." Beware the slippery slope. It's easy to justify “good” TV over “bad” TV and to get seduced by so-called "educational” computer games. But when we do this, we forget that any screen time is time away from chasing butterflies, kicking a ball around, creating art, figuring out how to make and keep a friend, crafting mud pies -- the real work of childhood.
Having a rule and sticking to it is a habit, a good habit. Begging for more is a bad one. And that second habit can be broken if you, as the parent, are consistent and unapologetic about your rule. All the grownups in the family should participate in setting and enforcing the rule. (No fair playing "good cop" to your partner's "bad cop"!) It's unrealistic to expect that there won't be tension around what is wanted and what is allowed. As so many of us have learned in these past few years, a budget reconciles what we want with what we can realistically afford. Budgeting time works exactly the same way. And like budgeting money, budgeting time is good for our kids – so by extension it's good for us too.
Once, a friend and I were settling in with our kids at a mountain cabin that we had rented – and discovered to our dismay that there was a TV in the downstairs family room. She and I exchanged glances, impulsively threw a blanket over the TV, and the kids were none the wiser. They spent their week in the mountains enjoying nature, reading, poking around in the dirt, observing the wildlife, hiking and all the rest.
Of course you have the right idea about how his time is best spent – exercise, reading, cooking, art, etc. And for now, the "no TV phase" is working. It's probably a blessed relief from having to set limits. I imagine that with the passage of time you will, for some reason or other, begin to include TV back in your life. Let's assume that's true – otherwise you don't need an answer from me!
At the very least, an unplugged vacation provides a nice opportunity to step back, evaluate your media use, and reset the dial. Moderation is hard, maybe because "a little of something" is harder to define and manage than "nothing." There's no point in whining and begging for TV if TV isn't available. But some TV...hmm, how much is too much? I encourage parents to bundle all screen time, to be clear about how much screen time is OK, and to stick to that "diet." Beware the slippery slope. It's easy to justify “good” TV over “bad” TV and to get seduced by so-called "educational” computer games. But when we do this, we forget that any screen time is time away from chasing butterflies, kicking a ball around, creating art, figuring out how to make and keep a friend, crafting mud pies -- the real work of childhood.
Having a rule and sticking to it is a habit, a good habit. Begging for more is a bad one. And that second habit can be broken if you, as the parent, are consistent and unapologetic about your rule. All the grownups in the family should participate in setting and enforcing the rule. (No fair playing "good cop" to your partner's "bad cop"!) It's unrealistic to expect that there won't be tension around what is wanted and what is allowed. As so many of us have learned in these past few years, a budget reconciles what we want with what we can realistically afford. Budgeting time works exactly the same way. And like budgeting money, budgeting time is good for our kids – so by extension it's good for us too.
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