"But How do the Egg and the Seed Get Together?"

In my last post, we looked at ways to answer children's earliest questions about how babies are made. A mom was worried about sharing too much information, especially when kids get past the preliminaries about eggs and seeds and really want to know how that seed and egg got together.  Again, the answer that's right for a child (at any developmental stage) is the short/true answer to his particular question.  If he weren't ready for the answer, he probably wouldn't be framing the question.

If he asks how the seed and egg meet, I would say something like "Mommies and Daddies have a very loving feeling about each other and they want to be super-close.  Sometimes when they are alone together and hugging and kissing they get so excited and happy that something amazing happens.  The Daddy's penis goes into the Mommy's vagina.  That's how the seed from Daddy got together with the egg in Mommy – to make you and then to make your sister."

One of my very favorite books on this topic is Peter Mayle's Where Did I Come From?  Check it out and see if it fits the bill.  It may be too wordy for most 4-year-olds, but the preschooler or school-age child who likes to take his time over books will probably enjoy it.  It's for kids who are already asking all of these questions; reading it before that has happened would be a case of major overload! I should add that this book isn't every parent's cup of tea. It's very funny and it's irreverent and quite explicit.  The pictures are cartoony. You will have no trouble finding it at your library – I promise it's the most tattered and dog-eared one in their entire collection. Grownups tend to prefer pastel-hued, lyrical books that are long on "we wanted a baby soooooo much" and short on info. Kids, on the other hand, love this one. 

But why a silly book? I think children – even those ready for the facts of life – are pretty baffled by the whole thing once you explain it to them.  (In looking back, I sure was.) It's a mystery of human development that we're curious and ready to understand how sex works long before we get any inkling that it might be a fun thing to do.  So the lighthearted approach gets young kids where they live.  In my next post I'll provide an annotated list including other titles I like to recommend.

Back in the day, parents had “The Talk” with a child. Once. It was a hurried, awkward lecture instead of a dialogue. Thank goodness that day is past. The conversation about sexuality is is a periodic, extended one that may have long stretches of empty space, while things are percolating. Remember the “building” metaphor – you're creating a structure, so always go back and check your foundation. That means when your child returns to the topic, have him tell you what he already knows. You can correct any misinformation he may have accumulated in the meantime. (Believe me, it happens.) You're laying a groundwork of trust that will in time take you to conversations about puberty, dating, safe sex, birth control and beyond.   Let your child lead.  Your open attitude and his curiosity will govern the timing and nature of the questions, naturally cuing good answers.