Last week, I posted about looking at schools. This week is about choosing.
You may have your heart set on one
school, but I hope you've looked at more than one. This is
especially true if your heart's desire has a robust wait list.
Ideally, you will have some “accepts” from which to choose. Not
only is it a logistical nightmare not to get into “the one” but
it also leaves you feeling dejected and hopeless. When I was
directing preschool, I often heard parents express the idea that our
school was “the only one” and they'd be devastated if their child
didn't get in. Many times I had no choice but to wait-list them. A
month or a year later, we'd have an opening and I would call them
back. “Oh, no thanks,” they'd say. “We're so happy at
____________ School.” This happened time and time again. Please
believe me that there really is no one perfect place.
Assuming you have a few choices, how
familiar are you with the schools in question? Were you offered a
chance to visit? How transparent are the schools? It's much easier
to talk the talk than to walk the walk. Formal, after-hours
presentations are great for getting the big picture, but these
gatherings are basically in-person brochures. Visiting the school
during hours of operation is really the only way to see how practice
follows philosophy. (Note: a school with a long wait list may invite
you for a visit only after you have attended an orientation and only
once they have a spot to fill.)
Many preschools are connected to a
place of worship, or to a private elementary school that promotes a
certain philosophy. I would think long and hard before enrolling my
child in a school whose basic beliefs and tenets are not my own. A
snarky way to pose the question is, “Why would I pay someone to
teach my child stuff I don't believe, when plenty of people will do
that for free?” The truth is, parents often have to run
interference between “the world” and their child. A neighbor or
relative says something to your child that goes against your grain.
You have to decide how to navigate this:
stand up to what was said in front of
that person and your child
have a quiet word with that person
have a quiet word with your child
But do you want to set yourself up to
be doing this all the time? And really, how can you quarrel with
something that is part of the school's express mission, and which you
knew about before enrolling? Besides being exhausting and stressful
for you, it's a little unfair to your child – and the school!
What are your priorities? A particular
philosophy or practice? A school that's close to home/work?
Language immersion? A school big/flexible enough that your twins can
each have their own classroom? A co-op? In the words of my kids'
wonderful preschool teacher, Mae Varon, “there can only be one
number one.” And only you know what your number one
is.
About your child's schedule...a lot of
parents feel that taking things gradually is best. This isn't always
a good idea, for two reasons. Reason one is about how it feels to
adjust to school. Let's say you want your child ultimately to attend
every morning, but you feel that starting with two mornings would be
easier. If only those two mornings were consecutive days – but
they almost never are. The problem with Tu-Th schedules, or for that
matter M-W-F schedules, is that every day feels like Monday! You
know how you are with Mondays – going back to work seems like a
disruption of your lovely weekend schedule, so it's hard to gear back
up. Kids feel the same way. The second reason to bite the bullet
and ask for the schedule you ultimately want is more practical in
nature. Let's say you start in September with Tu-Th mornings. Then
in January you want to switch to full days. Guess what? All the
spaces have been filled.
Finally, trust your gut. Intuition
gives us important information. Sometimes a like or a dislike isn't
something you can articulate or justify, but it still matters and you
should pay attention to it. There is a certain something about every
school – call it a vibe, because ambience sounds too restaurant-y –
that either speaks to you or doesn't. A school might have
everything on your wish list but if it doesn't make you feel welcome
or at ease (“Would I enjoy spending the day here?”) keep
looking. Or, a school might be missing some big component
that is terribly important to you (say, a rich music program) but it
feels so right in every other way. Could you commit to music classes
on a weekend morning? Are the musical experiences you provide at
home enough for now? The overall feel of a school is more than the
sum of its parts, and this matters a great deal. To repeat: trust
your gut.
And good luck!
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